Is it just me, or does Facebook make it look like everyone else has the PERFECT life: perfect kids, perfect house, perfect hair, perfect marriage, perfect travel itineraries, blah blah freakin’ blah?! As the saying goes, sometimes we compare our messy insides with others shiny outsides. Now, I’m not one to pretend everything is perfect, so I don’t know why I would ever focus on the appearance of shiny. People often call me ‘authentic’. For some, it’s a compliment; for others, I’m not so sure. But as honest and open as I am, I can still get stuck in “I’m not doing it right/I’m not good enough loop” and it’s not a fun place to be.
I remember when my kids were in early elementary school. We were at the Sock Hop at our local school and I was having a “less than” day. There was a family there that appeared perfect. The parents were well-educated with cool and successful careers. They were very attractive and had beautiful and smart children. The family skied together, had a lovely home, etc….you know the type. The parents started swing dancing in the school gym. Their kids were beaming with pride and I felt like a loser! I’m too heavy for my husband to toss around and he is known for his white man over-bite, air-guitar dance moves. Swing dancers we are not. I was sure our 3 kids were disappointed in us. I went home mad at myself and snappy with my family. A week later, that perfect family was getting a nasty divorce. Things were not what they appeared. Are they ever? Has that happened to you, where you believed the shiny hype you thought you saw, only to have the truth revealed later?
I work to remember that no one has a ‘perfect’ life or is a ‘perfect’ person. Comparing myself and all of my flaws to other people never makes me feel anything but yucky. I get crabby and am less of a Mom, wife, friend, teacher which in turn makes me feel even worse. It’s a lovely loop, eh? What makes me feel better is: remembering that everyone has their crap, finding gratitude for what I do have, realizing that most people in this world have much bigger challenges than I do, and talking with an honest friend about where I am. Sharing shameful feelings with a trusted person often clears those yucky feelings away. I feel less alone and I feel understood, what’s better than that?! Having at least one person in your life who loves you for you, swing dancer or not, is the best medicine! Please know that there are lots of us out here…who aren’t shiny dancers and are doing the best we can, we understand!