Classrooms ask me on a regular basis to help them understand the difference between tattling and telling. Understanding when it is important to tell the truth and report an issue can literally save lives. Being known as a ‘tattle-tale’ can be social suicide. Kids are afraid of the pressure of making the wrong choice between these extremes.
I teach young people some of the wrong reasons to tell on someone that can make you a ‘tattle-tale’ include:
- to win an argument
- to prove you are right and someone else is wrong
- to get someone in trouble
- to try and look good or impress someone
- because someone is getting on your nerves
- before you have tried to solve the issue yourself
- when someone is doing something that is none of your business and not hurting anyone
I also tell kids, that if they have tried a couple of times to solve a challenge themselves and they are not being respected, they can ask the teacher or adult around how they want them to proceed. For example “Miss Smith, I have asked someone in the class to please stop yelling at me and they won’t stop. What do you think I should do?”. No names at this point.
The times kids should ‘tell’ or ‘report’ or ask for help solving a problem include:
- when they have tried to solve a challenge a couple of times on their own and have not been heard, AS LONG AS it is their business and it affects them or someone else
- to make things better for the group
- MOST IMPORTANTLY – when they think someone is in danger of hurting themselves or someone else. Tell kids, if they get help when someone may hurt themselves or someone else, they are a HERO, not a ‘tattle-tale’! Period!
Sometimes we have to remind young people that bullies or peers engaging in naughty behavior may not want to get into trouble, so they may call you names like ‘baby’, ‘chicken’ or ‘tattle-tale’ or they may threaten you to stop you from telling the truth. But talk about how proud they feel when they know they do what is right and that it can relieve stress to talk with an adult about issues that have been concerning them. Telling the truth is very brave, especially when there is pressure to do otherwise.